By Former Modular Liver, Correspondent
Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University is gracious enough to grant each incoming freshman a place to live on campus. Some students are given housing in Thumb Butte Complexes, beautiful, several storied glass buildings with suites and vending machines. Others have the pleasure of living in Mingus Mountain or the Village Complexes. But some freshmen have been chosen by a higher power to be punished, living the entirety of their first year at Riddle in the Thumb Butte Complex Modulars.
The modulars are unique. While most dorms don’t have non-functional fire alarms, lounges with have seven holes in the walls, cockroaches that live in your shower, or walls that shake during heavy winds, the modulars have it all. Hence, Riddle has decided to up its standards and fully bulldoze the campus trailer park.
Riddle plans to flatten the four buildings making up the modulars, and build dormitories that are both livable and functional. The buildings to be built on modular graves will be new and improved dorms that students don’t have to fight not to live in. These dorms will have functioning air conditioning that works all of the time and doesn’t turn off whenever Prescott temperatures rise above sixty-five degrees.
Unfortunately, the Housing Office could not be reached, but Horizons was lucky enough to speak with the Prescott Modular Awareness Association (PMAA). PMAA claims that “Modular buildings are one of the greatest threats America faces today, Embry-Riddle is acting on the right side of history by extinguishing such heinous dormitories from the campus.”
It is finally time for the modulars to meet their doom and burn, so new dormitories can rise from the ashes. Riddle will do away with the four miserable, brown buildings that look like the portable classrooms from an under-budgeted elementary school, and bulldoze the unlivable structures to the ground.