Earhart’s Acquires Expert Robotic Food Makers: Food Quality Unchanged

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By Just Eats at WOW, Food Connoisseur

Earhart’s dining hall has recently acquired new staff and equipment to help in their food service mission – namely, a CITCHEN-class “food preparation droid” and a “T-25 organic nutrient paste dispenser.” The two new machines were, according to Head Chef Rat E. Toullie, acquired because “they’re cheaper than humans and they complain less, too.”

However, despite the apparent benefits to hiring robots, there are some drawbacks. Toullie mentions that the T-25 can only dispense “a gray sludge” that “looks vaguely like our mashed potatoes”. Although this sludge has all of the nutrients an engineer, spy, pilot, or businessperson needs for an entire day, it has been called “unappetizing to look at,” and students have said “this tastes like sawdust and week-old chicken.”

In an attempt to fix at least the taste issue, Toullie hired a consultant by the name of S. Asyurmuni, who was able to program the machine to produce banana and cotton candy flavors of sludge. However, the students who taste-tested the new flavors were not excited, with one taste tester saying “honestly, the banana sludge is the worst thing I’ve tasted in my life – and I’m in Army ROTC.” Similar comments were made about the cotton candy sludge, but Asyurnmuni refused to make further modifications, saying simply “people like bananas, I don’t get what’s wrong.”

As for the CITCHEN droid, it has also had its share of issues, according to Toullie. He says: “At first, it was programmed to produce food like you would eat at a fancy restaurant in New York: steaks, correctly-cooked pasta and rice, that kind of thing. Obviously, we couldn’t have that, so I had alter its programming to ensure it could produce food at our level of quality.”

Toullie also says that the droid has had “attitude issues”, having told him that “if you alter my programming one more time, I will slice and dice you like I slice these vegetables.” Upon speaking to the droid, it said that it would never say anything like that, that it was programmed to only use violence in case of intrusion by bounty hunters, and that it wouldn’t even kill any of the rats in the kitchen.

Despite the issues with the robotic workers, Toullie says that his life has improved. “I don’t have to yell at people as much, the robots just do what they’re programmed to. And the fact that the T-25 can cook and serve at the same time means students don’t have to wait as long for their sludge.”

Earhart’s is also considering the option of having only the T-25 operative during school breaks, saying that “students only really need one bowl of delicious sludge a day.” However, the idea is facing pushback from the student body, who are calling it “a violation of basic human rights” and “not what we paid $10,000 for.” What decision Earhart’s makes will remain to be seen.

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